Do you ever wonder why your partner doesn’t get excited about the new socks you spent ten minutes picking out for them? Or why they don’t feel your love through your actions? You might be speaking two different love languages.
The theory of Love Languages was created by marriage counselor Gary Chapman. The idea is that every person subscribes to one of five love languages: acts of service, receiving gifts, words of affirmation, quality time, or physical touch. Each of these specific ‘languages’ is a valuable part of any relationship but it is still important to recognize that you (and your partner) could have a preference to one over the other.
Acts of service: An action done out of love, not obligation (example: Making your partner’s favorite meal for them)
Receiving gifts: Giving a gift that is meaningful to the recipient (example: Buying your partner flowers)
Words of affirmation: Love shown through words (example: “You have the best smile”)
Quality time: Giving undivided attention (example: Putting your partner at the center of your attention, all distractions aside)
Physical touch: Physical closeness (example: Holding hands, hugging, cuddling up with your partner)
Although the age-old “golden rule” tells us that we should treat others how we would like to be treated, it is also important to consider how they would like to be treated. If your love language is, for example, quality time, you likely treat your partner in a way you would like to be treated in that regard. If their love language is acts of service, they may not have reacted how you had hoped. This is when miscommunication occurs and disappointment is likely. Communication can be improved if you can understand the language that makes your partner feel loved, and, your partner can understand the language that makes you feel loved.
Take the quiz below to discover your love language!
This blog post was written by Haley Thomas, our intern. She is a fourth year psychology student at Spring Hill College. Her internship at here at Hurley will provide valuable experince that she can take with her on her path to becoming a mental health counselor.