I have been a therapist for almost twenty years now. And, I have been asked this question more times than I can count by couples struggling to balance the busyness of life, changing desires, and the loss of intimacy.
Unfortunately, the reality in most marriages is that sexual desire (seen here as how often a spouse wants to have sex) is not something that is static, nor is it something that is matched by our spouses. In nearly every marriage, one spouse has a greater desire for sexual intimacy, and concessions have to be made.
But, how is this to be done? Someone has to lose out, right?
Well, the optimistic truth here is, not necessarily. Ideally, when one makes a sacrifice for the good of the marriage, both partners grow, and the marriage deepens. Things begin to go wrong and the health of the marriage declines when this sacrifice is unbalanced. For example, if one spouse is always the one giving in, making concessions for the desires of the other spouse, resentment will build.
If you and your spouse are finding it difficult to talk about sex in your marriage, let us help you make sense of how to create a path forward. The lack of sexual of desire can be attributed to many things, and openness to discussion in a safe environment can lead to the growth of the marriage in ways that just may surprise you. Sexual intimacy is just one facet of healthy marriage, and we consider it a privilege to work with couples and individuals to explore ways to seek positive change.
Matt Fortner has been a licensed professional counselor for close to twenty years. He joined Hurley Counseling in the fall of 2018 after having a successful practice in Oxford, Mississippi.
Matt specializes in couples and adults.